Said Every Person Ever
Well, at least every person who tried to meditate. As a meditation teacher, I hear this question a lot. Usually in my own head, but sometimes also from my students. Here's my answer; "You can meditate! You just can't stop thinking." The most common meditation myth is that meditation means not thinking. I used to think that too. Obviously while meditating. Brains create thoughts. Because of this neurobiological fact, meditating can feel difficult if your intention is to not think. Thinking and even overthinking, while meditating, do not mean you aren't meditating. Brains reflexively do inconvenient things like thinking. Most of us with brains find meditation challenging at times because thinking is a distraction to meditation. However, distractions do not negate the fact that you are meditating. Thoughts will always arise and distract the process, yet the moment you notice that you are distracted, you become aware of what your mind is doing. Meditation is like a GPS of the mind. When you lose your mind, meditation is how you practice finding it. Meditation doesn't need to be complicated or painful.
Several meditation skeptics have told me that meditation looks like "pointless suffering." I have news for them, it can feel even worse than it looks. Fortunately this changes with practice. Meditation, as a practice, is quite the opposite of pointless suffering. It has a point, and that point is found in the suffering. In fact, meditation is a practice of how to suffer less in life. The suffering, in meditation and in life, is often based on resistance to what is happening, or to what your mind thinks is happening.
In meditation, the suffering may come from a belief that meditation is supposed to be effortless. You may try to resist having thoughts. The thoughts arise, so naturally you resist harder. Resistance is effortful and can be exhausting. To meditate is not to resist more. It is to learn to allow more. You allow the mind to notice its resistance; the thoughts, distractions, and emotions that arise as you meditate. Meditation is a deliberate training of attenting toward what is happening now. Whatever is happening, even resistance, is part of the meditation. Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, stories are all welcome in meditation.
Stillness of mind will naturally arise between all the distractions. That comes with practice. Meditation is not the absence of thoughts. It is simply a training of your attention toward an anchor, a single gentle focus. It can be done walking, lying down, listening to music, or anything where your attention is focused on that anchor. In a guided meditation, the guide's voice is the anchor. Each time you get distracted and then notice the distraction, you intentionally bring your attention back to the anchor.
The Process
Having an anchor does not eliminate all other thoughts. Nor does it mean you will immediately enter a deep focused state. Meditation is simply this deliberate practicing of noticing what you're noticing. It benefits all who practice, especially the most fidgety overthinkers like me, and possibly you. Meditation is based on the act of practicing. There is no required outcome. No gold star for meditating well. There is just the practice of meditating. I know this is a big ask in our culture that often strives for an end game of perfection. That may be why you think you can't meditate. Perhaps you assume others do it better. That is just a story of your mind.
Meditation is a practice to quiet the mind, not to suddenly enter a trance. In fact, to seasoned meditators, the "trance" is a mindset of warped perspective; one in which we spend our days without being present or connected to ourselves or others; a trance of separateness. With screens of all sizes to distract us from real life sensations, it's easy to spend much of our days entranced by triggering thoughts or social media's lure of distractions. This lure disconnects us from our own bodies and from other humans right in front of us. Meditation is the opposite of this lure away from what is real and present. Meditation's lure draws you back into your own own mind and body in the present moment. When meditation becomes a regular practice, you move away from that separatist trance. You can begin to know yourself better, feel more compassionate and connected to others and nature, find a quieter mind, fewer thoughts, and even a calmer mental state. These are natural consequences of regular meditation. This is the gift behind the myth of "pointless suffering".
The Lens of The Mind
To meditate, you let the mind see itself clearly. You embrace curiosity, and try to let go of the thick fog of judgment. You open your mind to what is here now, through a lens of compassion. You detach from outcome each time you notice the mind judging itself or its performance. You let go of past and future and shoulds and should haves. You don't have to "should" all over yourself. You begin to observe the passing of thoughts and emotions, until you are no longer trapped in the stories of the mind. You start to see that you are separate from the stories and judgments the mind creates. You repeat this distancing process over and over. This is the practice. As you meditate, you intentionally train the brain to create a habit or reflex of that gentle single focus. The brain has the capacity to change in response to repeated experience. This ability is called neuroplasticity. The more you meditate, the more you strengthen circuits in the brain to make meditation reflexive.
Witnessing Thoughts
In meditation you can choose an anchor, such as your breath, to be your single focus. Each time a thought arises and lures you away from the focus, you practice noticing the distraction, releasing it, and returning to the anchor. As you become more aware, you may notice the thought emerging. You can even name it, deeming it a "thought," and letting it go. This is the ongoing process of quieting the present mind, without judgment, with curiosity, and with compassion. Self compassion is an important quality of meditation. Go easy on yourself as you meditate, especially as you struggle to. The struggle is part of the process.
Remember; meditation is always a practice, and never a perfection. The most daunting meditation is often the first. The battle is often to start. Once you've meditated even one time, you've begun the practice. You cannot fail at meditating. You can only fail to try. You CAN meditate!
Where To Begin
If you're ready to start, try a meditation app like Insight Timer or Headspace or join me in this short video INTRO TO MEDITATION WITH BODY SCAN.